The First Date
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You've finally brought your new crush home. They are incredibly intense, wearing sunglasses at 9:00 PM inside your apartment, and moving with the grace of a forklift.
The atmosphere is set. Candles are lit. Kenny G is playing softly. They stare at you, scanning your body from head to toe with a red glint in their eye.
"Nice apartment," they say robotically. "It has structural integrity."
They pause, looking at your nervous smile.
"She is a healthy female of breeding age," they mutter to themselves.